Be Your Biggest Fan!
Updated: Mar 6, 2020
While faith strengths my confidence in myself, I still have doubts that creep up every now and then. So I've learned to love myself more, and this makes up the L in my #FLY model. We all tend to be our biggest critics at times but pause that. Think about past accomplishments that fill you with pride and gas yourself up. Be your biggest fan! A lot of times we don’t give ourselves enough credit for things we’ve achieved.
I remember one night after I had gotten discharged from the hospital and I had to use the bathroom. As I was still learning how to walk again, I could not go to the bathroom by myself. I lay in my bed and called out to my mom to take me to the bathroom but she was sleeping. I was 20 years old and I couldn’t do a simple thing like go to the bathroom by myself. The thought of that broke my heart and even after my mom had woken up and taken me to the bathroom, I was still sad. The anxiety driven voice in my head became louder and was telling me that this was how my life had to be now. It was saying “if you can’t do a simple thing like go to the bathroom by yourself, how do you think you’re ever going to put your life on a path that you can be proud of? How’re you ever going to be able to be something more than someone with a brain injury and broken legs?” I was sad for days until old photos pulled me out of my rut. Since I wasn’t in classes, I had a lot of free time on my hands and looked through my photos as I usually do when I’m bored, you can definitely call me a picture hoarder! I came across the photos I took at KPMG the summer before and that snapped me out of my slump.
When I applied to KPMG, I applied for the meet the office 3 day program that companies host to give people a small introduction to the firm. After my interview for the program, I didn’t think I was going to get the position to be in the program. I thought that maybe I could but that I most likely wouldn’t get it. I was right about not getting the position because it turned out that I got offered something even bigger — a position as an intern that entire summer! Thinking about that experience reminded me how it's possible to surprise myself and I made a decision right there and then that I was going to surprise everyone, including myself, with how well I was going to move forward from the accident.
I decided that instead of using my free time to slip into depression over thinking about how different my life had to be from that point, I was going to put my all into making sure I did everything I was capable of pushing my body to do. So I started physical therapy and set my mind on returning to school immediately after I got back to NYC. A lot of people advised me to take more time off school and stay inside to stay away from danger but I didn't agree. Anytime I’d hear their doubts, I made sure to think of all the accomplishments I was proud of and all that I wanted to add to my proud moments. I didn’t care what anyone said, I couldn’t accomplish those things by staying inside like a frightened child. I hyped myself up to believe that without a doubt, not only could I still achieve great things, but i was going to make damn sure I did.